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Gisborne has a wide range of options for couples counselling, but there are often long waiting times when trying to book an appointment with a couples therapist.
One of the advantages of Remainly is that you do not have to wait. You can easily get started on your own. Our psychologist and couples therapist Andreas Narum will guide you through videos, tasks and exercises.
Our relationship paths are based on Andreas' years of experience and help couples solve common relationship problems, manage a crisis or help with preventive couples counselling.
If you are in a crisis
In times of crisis, many couples spend much of their energy arguing. They get caught up in endless circles of accusations and defence mechanisms, arguments can become repetitive and rejections icy cold. These couples feel like they are being driven further and further apart. If there has been an affair, this magnifies all problems and one or both of you may even feel that going your separate ways would be the easiest solution.
If you want to save your relationship in a crisis, you should seek help in the form of couples counselling. There have been many other couples before you who have been helped to resolve the same issues you are facing.
If you both want to find your way back to a normality and discover a better connection in your relationship, it is possible if you are willing to invest time and effort.
If poor communication is causing problems in your relationship, it's time to get help and talk. Many people find it difficult to open up and express their emotions. It is rare that two people who have been raised to communicate effectively get together. Therefore, it is a good idea to seek external advice on how to avoid arguments and find good habits.
This problem in relationships is often what we call silent topics. As you struggle to communicate the number of topics you avoid increases in fear of starting an argument. Regardless of avoiding the conversations, the lack of communication methods will cause the number of arguments to increase.
To avoid this, in addition to learning ideas for organizing and regulating thoughts, emotions, and actions, it is important to learn the necessary vocabulary and practice using it regularly with your partner so that talking about such topics becomes a part of normal life.
We know from years of experience that it's a good idea to see a therapist every now and then, even if everything is going well. Because at that point, it's still relatively easy to change small behaviours that can have a bigger impact in the long run.
When both partners are calm and relaxed, it's much easier to talk about the little irritations in everyday life that can eventually turn into friction. If you are doing well, you can learn how to avoid bad habits before they form, and you can start establishing good habits. This is also a good time to explore your individual differences.
Many of the problems that arise between partners are related to individual differences that turn into frustrating behaviour for both parties. For example, if one of you is tidier than the other, it can become a never-ending source of frustration for both of you.
However, if you establish ways to discuss this and learn that it is part of your personality, you may find that differences can be talked about without nagging, with respect and tolerance. It is much easier to tweak your habits in the right direction before time has cemented your patterns of behaviour in a negative way.
Many people think you have to be in crisis to seek relationship counselling, but that's not necessarily the case.
In couples counselling, you gain new perspectives about each other and the way you relate to each other, and you also learn new ways of being together. Couples counselling involves teaching you skills that will help you make a difference and help you explore your feelings and thoughts with your partner.
All relationships need a regular service. Small changes in your everyday, practical habits can work much better than expensive spa breaks or vacations.
A major problem for many couples is that they develop automatic patterns of behaviour that are harmful to the relationship. Such patterns are almost impossible to change without outside help. Allowing these bad habits to grow greatly increases the risk of a breakup. Therefore, it is good advice to seek counselling while you still have the drive to make the changes. Very often, these changes consist of adopting some good daily habits and identifying bad habits. This is much easier to do when you are not facing a crisis.
It may be that one of the partners would rather have couples counselling than the other. This is quite common, but if you are the reluctant part, do not hesitate. Showing your partner that you are willing to make improvements will strengthen your bond and gain trust. Partners who refuse to seek help together with their partner often wait until an ultimatum is given. If you act sooner, you can prevent a lot of stress, heartache, and a possible breakup. In this video you will see some tips on how to get your partner to go to therapy.
While most broken relationships can be repaired through couples counselling, there are some underlying problems that can make repairing the relationship impossible. If one of the partners has decided that they definitely do not want to repair the relationship and that couples counselling is unlikely to help.
Our certified psychologist and experienced couples therapist will guide you, step-by-step, with a combination of video instructions and assignments. Read more about how Remainly works here. We have many satisfied users, read about their stories here.
If you have any questions, see our FAQ.
More about Gisborne
Gisborne is a city in northeastern New Zealand and the largest settlement in the Gisborne District (or Gisborne Region). It has a population of 37,000 (June 2020). The district council has its headquarters in Whataupoko, in the central city. The settlement was originally known as Turanga and renamed Gisborne in 1870 in honour of New Zealand Colonial Secretary William Gisborne. (source Wikipedia)