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How to spot bad habits in a relationship

Bad habits are something that we all have in some shape or form. But how many of us realise that we’re bringing bad habits into a relationship? Often, people don’t even realise that what they’re doing is harming their significant other and the bond you have as a couple.

Habits can be hard to break, but when you know that they aren’t healthy for the relationship you’re in, it’s important to identify them and try to work them out so that you can move on and enjoy a better, more unified connection with your significant other.

More and more people are turning to relationship counselling online as an effective way of helping to work these bad habits out. But, before you commit to a session, you should be able to identify and highlight bad habits so that you know what can be detrimental to your relationship.

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Below, we’ve picked out some of the most common issues for you to see:

Vaguely disregarding the needs of your loved one

When you are in a healthy relationship, both you and your partner should try to satisfy each other's needs and not just your own. Think of it this way, if you’re hungry, your spouse is likely hungry too, so why not offer to make them something to eat when you go to cook for yourself?

This is a simple analogy, but you can change food for pretty much anything in your relationship. To disregard a partner’s needs is a bad relationship habit.

Fighting when you are stressed

It’s not okay to lay the blame of a full-scale argument at the door of stress, simply because that isn’t how a healthy relationship functions. If someone you know comes to you and tells you that they’ve had a row with their partner, the common reasons you’re likely to hear are that there’s a lack of intimacy, someone didn’t sleep well, or they’re stressed out at work. None of these are adequate excuses for fighting, purely because there is no good excuse.

Behaving with compassion and reason is the only way to prevent damaging a relationship. If your partner sounds off at you and causes an argument after they’ve returned home from a hard day, then this bad habit will negatively affect your bond.

Couple looking angrily at each other

Not actively listening

One of the biggest gripes in a relationship is when a spouse seemingly does not pay attention and listen to what the other is saying. Hearing all of the seemingly disinterested “hm”, "mhm," and "really?" filler words are tell-tale signs that a loved one isn’t paying attention. They might not care about the subject, but it’s important to listen for the sake of their partner, or this bad habit can manifest and create a wider issue.

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Being passive-aggressive

Being passive-aggressive is another bad relationship habit to spot. This can be identified by someone not saying what’s upsetting them, and instead, finding little petty ways to get under a spouse’s skin so that they then feel vindicated in complaining to them.

This isn’t healthy because it shows discomfort when it comes to open communication. Passive-aggressiveness is typically a sign of insecurity or anger in a relationship.

Refusing to take criticism

In all honesty, no one really likes to take criticism and when it comes from a loved one it can be more hurtful. However, when a spouse is attempting to offer some healthy feedback to improve an aspect of the relationship, a partner needs to be able to handle constructive critcism. If there’s a refusal to learn and grow together, this bad habit can fester and create more unwanted negativity in the relationship.

Couple standing with their backs to each other

Continuously referring to the past

A loved one who tends to unearth moments from the past for unhelpful reasons is bringing unconstructive nature to the relationship. Everyone should be able to move on from the past, and if that’s not possible then there is usually an underlying reason for it that needs addressing or the relationship might soon be something of the past too! Fixating on previous mistakes or disagreements makes it exceptionally hard to move forward together.

If you see any of these bad habits in your relationship, consider seeing a couple’s counsellor so that you can healthily work through them and move on as a couple. At Remainly, we offer professional and expert therapy with a difference. All of our video sessions and tutorials are recorded by our qualified psychologist and added to separate help categories called pathways. Each pathway is designed to help couples in crisis or simply improve their relationship.

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