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How to deal with arguments in a relationship

Arguing can be a normal and healthy aspect of a relationship. If couples can argue in constructive ways, then it will strengthen their relationship in the long run. However, when done in a destructive way, arguments will damage your relationship significantly. Continual arguing will make it harder for couples to make a plan to move forward.

Experiencing conflict with your partner can be difficult to negotiate. Our blog takes you through how you can begin dealing with arguments in your relationship.

How were you taught to argue?

It can be helpful to reflect on your upbringing and figure out how you perceived arguments as a child. When you are ready, talk to your partner about your internal thought process during an argument; try to explain why you react the way you do in the middle of a disagreement.

A couple sat on a park bench with the woman's head resting on her partner's shoulder

Learning how to have healthy arguments

In moments of conflict, it is still possible to be a compassionate and loving partner.

An argument can actually be a sign that you aren’t indifferent and want to make your relationship work.

However, dealing with an argument must be done productively if you are hoping to stop patterns of repetitive disputes.  

Confront the issue

Burying your worries or problems inside will only cause them to emerge more intensely in the future.

Even if what you want to discuss is uncomfortable, try not to procrastinate. Not confronting an issue can result in passive-aggressive behaviour from either party, which will lead to other potential disagreements or tension.

Know the triggers

Being mindful of the topics that make you argumentative will help you get a handle on your emotions.

Making your partner aware that certain issues are hard for you to talk about can make it less stressful when they do arise.

Discuss some ground rules

Setting out rules for your arguments before they happen means they are less of an unknown. It can make you less fearful of a dispute if you know that there are some guidelines in place for both of you.

Having an understanding that you may need room for time-outs and breaks can also help make moments of possible conflict seem less painful.

A couple hugging tightly by the beach

Stay on track

It can be challenging, but try to stay calm and focused during a disagreement. To prevent escalating the argument, it may help to write a list of things you want to touch on.

If controlling your emotions while arguing is difficult, you may want to consider relationship counselling to gain the tools you need to handle emotions like anger and fear.

Recognise when the pattern is repeating

If you find yourself following a script and rehashing the same argument, take note of when the same issues start arising so that you can start making a plan of action. When you know when the same fight is coming, try turning to compromise to prevent arguing in circles.

Acknowledgment

Even if you don’t agree with your partner’s point of view, acknowledging that their opinion is valid is essential. Recognising that both parties deserve to be listened to and understood will help cultivate a relationship where neither one of you is scared to bring up an issue.

Emotional validation can help to build long term trust and will allow you to be more honest with each other in future arguments.

Clarity

This point is rooted in good communication skills. Make sure you discuss things clearly and are being understood.

Ask questions to ensure that you do not misunderstand your partner’s intentions. Try to ask questions when your partner has finished talking to avoid making them feel like they aren’t being listened to.

Avoid insults

Petty name-calling and juvenile insults may make you feel better in the moment but will only cause damage to your relationship. If an argument gets to this point, call a time out; it is unlikely you that will make any positive progress until you have taken some time to decompress.

A couple touching hands in the sunset

Apologising

The end of your argument should always finish with an apology and an acknowledgement of how both parties have been hurt.‍

Different people need and respond to different types of apology. Learning how to apologise best and how to accept an apology is key.

If you have been having trouble dealing with arguments in your relationship, then Remainly is here to help. We are an online video service that provides tailored guidance and couples therapy. Our skilled therapist Andreas will lead you through the appropriate pathway for your relationship.‍

Discover how Remainly can help you learn to deal with arguments healthily and strengthen your relationship.

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