Remainly - Online Couples Therapy

Here's why you should never assume your partners feelings

It's no secret that the psychology of humans is complex, and each person can react to situations in surprising ways due to a vast range of psychological factors and personal life experiences.

Therefore, it is impossible to know exactly how people feel and interpret. Instead of believing that it is possible to predict a person’s behaviour or thought process, many of us need to re-learn how to listen.

Remainly provides online couples therapy and help couples each day combat repetitive and destructive behaviours in their relationship. We explain why you should never assume your partner’s feelings in our blog!

The trap of assumption

By assuming that you know of your partner inside out is a trap that many of us fall into.

As humans, we like to think we know our partners the best, possibly even better than they know themselves at times.

However, this is not true and can be incredibly damaging to your relationship, especially when it comes to assuming that we are privy to their thoughts and feelings.

When you tell your partner what he or she thinks or feels, this may cause consternation and anger because your assumptions are often faulty.

Projects feelings

Most of the time, when we assume another person’s feelings, we are projecting our own thoughts and interpretations on to them.

We all have different backgrounds and minds. How we perceive the world and what we are exposed to through our lives, affects how we assume others think.

Essentially, this means that we fabricate what we think other people think and feel based on our interpretation of them. This is not fact – our feelings are obstructing the truth.

Furthermore, it also assumes that people’s mindsets are permanent, when, in fact, most people grow and develop emotionally throughout their life while facing different situations.

A couple smiling and laughing together

Overlooks the positive

Assuming your partner’s feelings can cause many problems, and a primary concern is taking them for granted.

When we assume that our partner will react negatively, or we feel they are unlikely to do something, then the negative, fabricated assumptions become our principal focus. We become attentive to these negative traits which we have assumed to be the behaviour of our partner.

Ultimately, it blocks positive contributions they might make to the relationship and can create a hostile and competitive environment.

If this does happen, it is essential to train yourself into recognising and appreciating positive contributions made in the relationship. Here at Remainly, we provide many pathways to help couples achieve this by working on communication and recognition.

Listening stops

As soon as we assume that we understand our partner’s behaviour, we stop listening.

A lack of listening or contempt is incredibly damaging because it can affect the feeling of trust and eat away at the intimate bond upon which healthy relationships depend.

It can cause people to feel like they can't open up or communicate their feelings due to a lack of emotional support when approaching their partner.

Thoughts aren’t shared

As a result of not being listened to, thoughts aren’t shared.

Without stating your real feelings in a situation, it is hard to move on from problems. Each person needs to feel respected by their partner, which means there is no room for assumptions, only for curiosity.

A couple walking and holding hands

Creates distance

Naturally, if we can’t share our thoughts and feelings in a safe and trusting environment, it leaves us feeling lonely and detached from those we are closest to.

Not feeling like we are being heard is unlikely to promoted further discussion and instead creates a distance between a couple.

Disrupts intimacy

If we don’t feel like we are respected by our partner or trust them with our thoughts and feelings, it will decrease the levels of intimacy in a relationship.

Intimacy is integral to love and is enhanced when feeling close to someone. It is often the driving force behind a trusting, sexual relationship, and without it, it can be challenging to feel deeply connected and exclusive as a couple.

To ensure your relationship is intimate, communication needs to be high, and more importantly, honest. As previously mentioned, an essential way to ensure this is promoted is to listen and emotionally support one another attentively.

For more information about intimacy, take a look at our blog on how to bring back intimacy in a relationship.

Making future plans is a challenge

When healthy communication is reduced in exchange for assumptions, it isn't easy to have an open and honest conversation.

Not being able to discuss feelings and aspirations openly, can hinder the planning process in a relationship.

If we assume, we think we know what our partner feels about our aspirations, and it is negative, we are unlikely to have an open and frank conversation.

Instead, feelings become bottled and true feelings are never uncovered.  

Remainly is an online video service which supports couples through relationship problems or can be used to enhance a relationship through improved communication skills.

Our pathways can be used independently or together as a couple, in your own time and pace. Our support services can be accessed anywhere in the world, led by our expert relationship psychologist, Andreas Løes Narum. Browse our website and discover how Remainly can help you.

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