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Relationship counselling

What is Relationship counselling and when should you apply?

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Relationship counselling

Some advice on seeking relationship counselling

Many couples in relationship counselling that have one thing in common: They ought to have come sooner. If they had, it would have been considerably easier to achieve their goal of living a happier life and have a more fulfilling relationship

Andreas Narum says: "Many couples I meet, have had the same arguments on repeat for a long time. They may consider ending their relationship, but finally decide to try therapy first. Usually, it doesn't take too long to teach proven and practical techniques for avoiding this."

A very common comment on their way out is: "Wish we had search for relationship counselling a long time ago".

 

A lot of couples may not consider seeking external advice feeling that this may be perceived as failure. Couples may hope that things will sort out by themselves. They do not realise the benefit of professional relationship advice.

Remainly provides proven online relationship counselling!

Our self-help programs are confidential, and designed to fit your day-to-day life.

All prices are per couple and include a 7-day free trial

Video - Relationship counselling

When should you seek relationship counselling?

If you are in a crisis

In times of crisis, many couples spend much of their energy arguing. They get caught in endless circles of accusations and defence patterns, where arguments become repetitive and rejections icy cold. These couples feel like they are being driven further and further apart. If there has been an affair, this magnifies all problems and one or both of you may even feel that going your separate ways would be the easiest solution.

There have been many other couples before you who have been helped by couples counselling to resolve the same issues you are facing. It might be good to know that if you are willing to put in the necessary time and effort, it is possible for you to find your way back to stability and discover a better connection in your relationship.

If you feel that communication in your relationship is poor or have break down

If poor communication is causing problems in your relationship, it is time to get help and talk. Many people find it difficult to open up and identify their emotions, and even harder to express them so they are heard by their partner. Unfortunately, many have limited or no models for how to communicate effectively in an intimate relationship.

They find themselves repeatedly stuck in arguments, frozen by silence and distances, tiptoeing around loaded topics, or over-accommodating to keep the peace. As attempts to solve the issues continue to backfire. The number of topics avoided might increase, as does the fear of starting arguments. It can seem like your relationship has landed in a field of relational landmines.

 

In situation like these, a couple can benefit from cultivating healthier communication habits by learning the following:

  • A vocabulary and tools for identifying, organizing and regulating thoughts, emotions, and actions.
  • A process of communication that helps your partner hear and understand you better, and vice versa.
  • A practice of using the vocabulary, tools and process regularly with your partner so that having conversations about difficult topics becomes a part of normal life and may even draw you closer to each other.

If your relationship is good and there is no need for counselling

We know from years of experience that it's a good idea to see a therapist every now and then, even if everything is going well. Because at that point, it's still relatively easy to change small behaviours that can have a bigger impact in the long run.

When both partners are calm and relaxed, it's much easier to talk about the little irritations in everyday life that can eventually turn into friction. If you are doing well, you can learn how to avoid bad habits before they form, and you can start establishing good habits. This is also a good time to explore your individual differences.

Many of the problems that arise between partners are related to individual differences that turn into frustrating behaviour for both parties. For example, if one of you is tidier than the other, it can become a never-ending source of frustration for both of you.

However, if you establish ways to discuss this and learn that it is part of your personality, you may find that differences can be talked about without nagging, with respect and tolerance. It is much easier to tweak your habits in the right direction before time has cemented your patterns of behaviour in a negative way.

Marriage counselling
Relationship counselling

What happens when you take part in relationship counselling?

Many people think you have to be in crisis to seek relationship counselling, but that's not necessarily the case. All relationships need a regular service. Small changes in your everyday, practical habits can work much better than expensive spa breaks or vacations.

A major problem for many couples is that they develop automatic patterns of behaviour that are harmful to the relationship. Such patterns are almost impossible to change without outside help. Allowing these bad habits to grow greatly increases the risk of a breakup. Therefore, it is good advice to seek counselling while you still have the drive to make the changes. Very often, these changes consist of adopting some good daily habits and identifying bad habits. This is much easier to do when you are not facing a crisis.

 

Ideally, what happens in relationship counselling, is the following;
  1. You decide that you want to get some professional guidance to avoid bad habits or establish good ones.
  2. You find a certified therapist and schedule a first appointment.
  3. You prepare a small introduction containing some background information and hopes for what you want to achieve. You can do this together or separately. This will help you to prioritize and focus. It will also be very helpful for the therapist, and you save the first 30 minutes of ad hoc explaining.
  4. You meet with the therapist for the first time. You may feel a bit awkward, but the therapist receives you both with curiosity, respect, and understanding.
  5. Both of you get to state your side of the story. Most couples have one or two issues that they feel are necessary to sort out first.
  6. When you have introduced your priorities, the therapist repeats them back to you to be sure you are all on the same page.
  7. The therapist is not moralistic and does not appear to take sides with any of you. He or she should hear you out before proffering advice.
  8. The therapists sums up what has happened during the appointment and you may be asked to do the same. Ideally, there should be new insights in this part.
  9. If you both feel comfortable with the therapist, you schedule another appointment. If not, you start again at step 2.
  10. You may both see the therapist separately once in order to raise issues that might be difficult to raise all together.
  11. You meet with the therapist until you feel that you have resolved the issues you wanted to resolve.
  12. You bring what you have learned into your everyday life and let it influence your thoughts, emotions and actions in a positive way.

If one of you is reluctant to participate in relationship counselling?

It may be that one of the partners would rather have couples counselling than the other. This is quite common, but if you are the reluctant part, do not hesitate. Showing your partner that you are willing to make improvements will strengthen your bond and gain trust.

Partners who refuse to seek help together with their partner often wait until an ultimatum is given. If you act sooner, you can prevent a lot of stress, heartache, and a possible breakup.

Video - To the skeptical partner

Why Remainly?

Led by leading Scandinavian couples therapist expert, Andreas Narum, our videos and assignments will guide you towards an improved relationship with your partner. How do we know it works? We’ve helped thousands of couples get their relationship back on track and we are constantly updating and improving our service.

 

Unlike traditional relationship counselling, at Remainly, it doesn’t matter how quickly or slowly you choose to go, meaning that there is minimal outside pressure. This can be particularly beneficial for those who are more introverted and perhaps struggle to open up.

There are no meetings, schedules or time restrictions, you can pick a time that suits you in the comfort of your own home.

Try Remainly and join thousands of other satisfied couples who have said yes to a new lease of life!

  • It's confidential, easy-to-use, and designed to fit your day-to-day life.
  • Learn together or on your own.
  • Do it when it suits you.

All prices are per couple and include a 7-day free trial

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