Remainly - Online Couples Therapy

Marriage counselling

Andreas Løes Narum´s advice on seeking counsel

"I have seen many couples in therapy that have one thing in common: They ought to have come sooner. If they had, it would have been considerably easier to achieve their goal of living a happier life and have a more fulfilling relationship.

Many couples I meet, have had the same arguments on repeat for a long time. They may consider divorce, but finally decide to try therapy first. Usually, it doesn't take to long to teach them the necessary words and right procedures for avoiding this.

Many couples comment on their way out: "Wish we had found professional help a long time ago."

 

Many couples may not consider seeking external advice feeling that this may be perceived as failure. Couples may hope that things will sort themselves out by themselves. They do not realise the benefit of professional relationship advice even though they may call a professional when the car or the toilet breaks down.

It is a sign of intelligence and good health to seek advice when you need it. If you want to have have access to professional online guidance, try Remainly.

When to find a marriage counsellor?

When you are in a crisis

At times of crises many couples use much of their energy to argue. They get caught in endless circles of accusations and defence mechanisms, arguments may become repetitive and rejections ice cold. These couples feel that they are being driven further and further apart.

If there has been an affair, it magnifies all problems and one or both of you may even feel that the easiest solution would be to go your separate ways.

If you want to save your relationship in a crisis, it is necessary to find help. A broken relationship can feel lonely but there have been many others before you who have helped to create tried and tested solutions to the problems you face.

If both of you want to find your way back to a normality and discover a better connection in your relationship, it is possible if you are willing to invest the time and effort.

 

When you feel communication is poor or have break down

The time to get some help and talk is if poor communication is causing problems in your relationship. Many people struggle to open up and express their emotions, it is uncommon to find two people who have been raised to communicate effectively. Therefore, it is a good idea to seek some external advice on how to establish ways to avoid arguments and find good habits.

 

This problem in relationships is often what we call silent topics. As you struggle to communicate the number of topics you avoid increases in fear of starting an argument. Regardless of avoiding the conversations, the lack of communication methods will cause the number of arguments to rise.

To avoid this, it is vital to:

  • Learn the necessary vocabulary alongside ideas for organising and regulating thoughts, emotions and actions.
  • Practice using this vocabulary with your partner regularly so that it becomes a part of normal life to talk about such issues.

 

When you are feeling fine and don't think you need counsel

We know from years of experience that it's a good idea to see a therapist every once and a while, even when everything is going fine. This is because at this time it is still relatively easy to change little behaviours that may have a greater influence in the long run.

 

When both partners are calm and relaxed, it is much easier to talk about the little irritations in everyday life that may eventually turn into friction. When you are doing ok, you can learn how to avoid bad habits before they appear, and you can start establishing good habits. This is also a great time to explore your individual differences.

 

Many of the troubles that appear between partners are related to individual differences that turn into frustrating behaviour for both parties. For instance, if one of you is tidier than the other, this may become a never-ending source of frustration for both of you.

However, if you establish ways to discuss this and learn that it is a part of your personality, you may find that the differences are possible to talk about without nagging, with respect and tolerance. It is much easier to tweak your habits in the right direction before time has cemented your patterns of behaviour in a negative way.

By acting sooner, you can prevent much stress, heartache and a possible break-up.

What happens in marriage counselling?

Many people think you need to be in a crisis in order to seek relationship advice, this is not necessarily the case.

All relationships need a regular service. Small tweaks in your everyday, practical habits may work far better than expensive spa breaks or holidays.

One big problem for many couples, is that they develop automatic patterns of behaviour that are harmful to the relationship. Such patterns are nearly impossible to change without external help. Allowing these bad habits to grow can greatly increase the risk of a break up, therefore it is sound advice to seek counsel while you still have the drive needed to make the changes. Very often these changes consist of adapting a few good, daily habits, and identifying bad habits. This is a lot easier to do when you don't have a crisis to deal with.

 

Ideally, what happens in marriage counselling, is the following;
  1. You decide that you want to get some professional guidance to avoid bad habits or establish good ones.
  2. You find a certified therapist and schedule a first appointment.
  3. You prepare a small introduction containing some background information and hopes for what you want to achieve. You can do this together or separately. This will help you to prioritize and focus. It will also be very helpful for the therapist, and you save the first 30 minutes of ad hoc explaining.
  4. You meet with the therapist for the first time. You may feel a bit awkward, but the therapist receives you both with curiosity, respect, and understanding.
  5. Both of you get to state your side of the story. Most couples have one or two issues that they feel are necessary to sort out first.
  6. When you have introduced your priorities, the therapist repeats them back to you to be sure you are all on the same page.
  7. The therapist is not moralistic and does not appear to take sides with any of you. He or she should hear you out before proffering advice.
  8. The therapists sums up what has happened during the appointment and you may be asked to do the same. Ideally, there should be new insights in this part.
  9. If you both feel comfortable with the therapist, you schedule another appointment. If not, you start again at step 2.
  10. You may both see the therapist separately once in order to raise issues that might be difficult to raise all together.
  11. You meet with the therapist until you feel that you have resolved the issues you wanted to resolve.
  12. You bring what you have learned into your everyday life and let it influence your thoughts, emotions and actions in a positive way.

If one of you is reluctant?

It may be that one of the partners is keener to seek external help than the other. This is quite common, but if you are the reluctant part, don't hesitate. Just showing your partner that you are willing to make improvements will increase your bond and gain trust.

 

Partners who refuse to join their partner in seeking help, may often wait until an ultimatum is given. By acting sooner, you can prevent much stress, heartache and a possible break-up.

Why Remainly?

Led by leading Scandinavian couples psychology expert, Andreas Løes Narum, our videos and tasks will guide you towards an improved relationship with your partner. How do we know it works? We’ve helped thousands of couples get their relationship back on track and we are constantly updating and improving our service.

 

Unlike traditional couples counselling, at Remainly, it doesn’t matter how quickly or slowly you choose to go, meaning that there is minimal outside pressure. This can be particularly beneficial for those  who are more introverted and perhaps struggle to open up.

There are no meetings, schedules or time restrictions, you can pick a time that suits you in the comfort of your own home.

Try Remainly and join thousands of other happy couples who have said yes to a new lease of life!

“I have seen many couples in therapy that have one thing in common: They ought to have come sooner"

1. Create your free account.

2. Begin on your own, or together with your partner.

3. Start with the pathway that best suits your needs.